So . . . have I created a vision? I have been creating one for some time now. It is a work in process. That is why I’ve been to bed and am back up to do some more now. I realize I have not made it clear enough, specific enough. I’ve come a long way but I also have a long way to go. I am determined to obtain it so I’d better clarify it. I’d hate to miss it for lack of me totally knowing, totally recognizing it when it comes, when it’s right there in front of me.
I picked up an article yesterday. The author was writing about how she thinks the very worst she possibly can about a situation to keep it from happening. Her dog had to be taken to the vet with a lump so she was envisioning cancer, death, burial; all in the name of doing her best to protect her dog. She followed that up with a facetious account of how she hadn’t been paying attention to her son playing baseball and his lousy scores and what they would have been if she had only been projecting thoughts even more lousy.
She proceeded then to the meat of the article and how she really knows, when she’s in the right mood and of the right mindset that her thoughts really have no effect on events. It set me off to thinking as I have been working to learn to affect my life by changing a lifetime’s habits of the way I think.
Sadly, my first thoughts were of giving up. “I’m wrong again, might as well throw in the towel”, I thought. Soon, though, I had another thought: “What I’m learning is how to change my inner environment and as a consequence my vibration so as to daily experience being higher on the emotional scale, to more often “be” in my vortex (my stream of consciousness in Source Energy and all “life has caused me to become”). This would all connect to my studying Abraham-Hicks, if you need the reminder.
Let me take this last paragraph and place it more squarely in the experiences of my life. A little over twenty years ago I realized I was entertaining thoughts of desiring to be rid of my husband, the father of my children. This was so utterly antithetical to all I’d ever told myself my life would be like that I acknowledge a deep schism with regards to it to this day.
Quick aside: I happened across a video night before last about some Christians finding the rock Moses struck for water for his people in the wilderness. My mind brought me the picture back of this massive rock, rendered top to bottom with scripture containing the word “clave” superimposed upon it. I can see everything having to do with my divorcing my first husband relating to that picture.
Just in anticipation, I began to have an inner apparition of myself throwing my hands up in the air, saying “I give up”. It was visual and the feeling was one of defeat. I knew that would not allow me to move forward and since I could not see remaining in the status quo (which I was pretty sure was leading me down the road towards another clinical depression five years after the first one), I was constantly on the watch for it and ways to make it retreat. It’s surely time to leave that apparition (which can reappear on occasion) behind me forever, forever, forever.
However . . . I have not found it an easy matter to “change” what goes on in my head – primarily by habit, I presume. I rode horses, on occasion, when I was a girl. I’ve often thought how difficult it could seem (especially as a skinny lightweight girl) to rein those large animals in a direction they were not eager to go. I’d try to move those reins a little lower and then a little higher on the horses’ neck and apply what arm muscle I had. Sometimes it seems they just decided to cooperate. Other times it was definitely a “no go”. And, so it seems with being in charge of my thoughts.
I opened with, do I have a mission? Reviewing all this with my thoughts and knowing my aims, I thought I want to picture (and write, writing’s so key for me) with more visualizing placement within me. I mentioned (in an earlier post) wanting to replace the word vortex with purse. I now understand all that much better now and see how silly an idea that was. It is the picturing, whether right or wrong, that helps me best to learn and remember.
That’s it for now, AZ. Sayonara.
