Not in Control of My Beliefs? ? !!! #### !!!??

Dear AZ,

Abraham (thanks to Jerry and Esther Hicks) has said,

"Manic Depressive equals not in control of your beliefs".

BTW, if you enjoy reading what I write, you either know

already; or, er, I guess I'm telling you now; when I look

for knowledge, info, insight, whatever, I look for varied

perspective, clues, hints, notions to help me see some

underbelly of something I'm trying to get a better grip on.

After twenty-five years of looking this particular "beastie"

square in its maw (well, when I was capable of looking),

I either missed this aspect (it could happen) or I never

was told (and that sure as hell has happened before) this

particularly juicy piece of memorabilia.  I say memorabilia

because I'm always trying, in one way or another, to

distance myself from the whole diagnosis, illness, train

wreck; call it what you will, some of us experience as the

(she speaks now sarcastically) dreamboat appellation of

bipolar or manic depression.  Bye, bye.  Scat you!  Begone

or forever hold your peace!

So, if you haven't guessed it, the idea, notion, insight,

perspective, whatever, that "not in control of my beliefs"

might apply to "my own dear self" (that appellation is

thanks to Dr. Abraham A Low, whom I have mentioned

before, and undoubtedly will mention again), that it might

apply to me, to moi, to this gal right here in my lap, did

get me just a tad worked up.

I've actually been aware of it, two, three months, now

and it has definitely been carrying on, on the sly mostly,

in the back of my mind.  I think beliefs may be sort of a

"sticky" kind of issue for many of us.  I know I took

tremendous pride most of my life that I had certain of

the beliefs that I had.  I was aware more people did not

have the same beliefs I took such great pride in than

those who did, so:  I had another belief -- only those who

believed the way I did had the truth.  How convenient!

Looking just at those particular beliefs, (and that was a

trip traveled more unconsciously than in the light of day

of my awareness) has made a tremendous difference in

my life.  I feel fortunate I can say the difference is to the

good.

I have much more to say to the matter.  I'm sure you are

not surprised.  So I will be getting back to you soon.  K