Money Can Fit With "Life is Hard, Then You Die"

I can’t believe it’s taken me so long to get here, but whoopee, what a ride!  I’m feeling, “feeling”, feeling my money, my $X$X$Xxx so close.  I am so jazzed.  I’m guessing my first move, assuming I can avoid it having to be the bank to get cash, will be to see if the car that appears to be my best choice is one that has an owner who will drive it to me.  Having my car is so imperative to getting everything else done in a timely manner.  At this juncture, I’ m really hoping it will be a nice Saab (understand I’m talking older, well-maintained and kindly used). 

Then, because it is so close to Christmas, I want to get my place secured, preferably the one on Harrison with that great tub.  Once those two things are taken care of I want to be sure J and R receives their portions.  Then, the bank with tithes set aside, savings taken care of, and an account to receive direct deposits and provide me a debit card.  Naturally, I won’t be able to forget getting my phone all set up, my new larger monitor and just having a great time stocking my kitchen from Costco and the Dollar store.   Mrrahahaha.  

 I’ll delay my traveling north until Christmas is over.  What fun C and I shall have!  Oh, before I hit the road I’ll need a new laptop.  Shall I get an Acer (twin to my pc) or go ahead and splurge on a Mac?  I did notice last night I could have gotten (probably) what I want barely (twenty hours – are you kidding me?) used, loaded with software, for a very doable price.

Now to what this is all about?  Listening to Robert G Smith yesterday explaining how the mind works and sharing why we hang onto the bad memories relating first experiences with school and learning, no, not 26 letters of the alphabet, but with upper case and lower case, double that (and much later, even more each in cursive) and once we get our papers back all marked up in red, from then on in life we’re trying to avoid whatever bad we experience and keep at bay all that we did not like.  

My synopsis was done very quickly but it became a very real picture in my head as he described it.  It doesn’t seem a huge big deal to see red on a paper these days but as I mentally took myself back to first grade (we didn’t have kindergarten) I sure saw that lined tablet paper readily enough and felt that familiar scuttling movement across my stomach over the idea my teacher was not favorably impressed with me.  That I did not like.  That I did not want.

The Robert G Smith I write about is prolific online with tapping videos, and explanations as to how and what works.  I find it much easier to learn new material while observing it working on myself.  I mentioned last post that I wanted you to be able to see what had occupied my mind.  

It really is kind of cool that no one outside of us really knows what it is that we’re really thinking, but not so cool that others may well know better than we do what our minds are like because of the evidence produced.  I’m not at all proud of what others can witness by my life, whether they see it or hear my answers to their questions.  

I’ve long wanted to turn that around but I see now that I blocked a lot of my own efforts.  I would say that not just a little bit of that has to do with family background.  But before I try to make a dent in covering that ground, I want to go back to what I started with and that is looking at the ugly picture I hold within of me and money.
 

I never really have thought ahead about or made preparations with regards to money.  My first job outside the home was when I was fourteen.  I was proud of myself.  I’m not sure what I was proud of.  I continued to work until I left for University.  I don’t recall having a drop of savings.  

I certainly was willy nilly, I can tell you that.  The major I intended became my minor for lack of awareness of the statistics and higher math I was not prepared to deal with and yet I carried on.  I just had an ugly thought, a reminder really.  I believe I was indoctrinated ahead of time that my real purpose in going to school where I went to school was to find a “right” husband.  I was not self aware enough to realize how ambivalent I was about all that:  the major, the schooling overall, the husband.  

And somewhere in that milieu, was the question of money.  You see, at that time, in the space I was in, it was very questionable if it was even virtuous, lovely, clean, of good report, even moral for a female to work outside the home.  Whew!  This is what can happen when I write!  This is the kind of unearthing I definitely am looking to do.  Voila!  I haven’t consciously thought of that for years.

You see – sharing can do that to a person.  Thanks, AZ