I
am loving life, so much! [[Even with,
and sometimes, aside from having to deal with spell check/sentence structure
help!]] I read someone else's blog a
couple days ago with a streamer, “2012 is going to be my year, you can’t have
it.” I’m pretty sure she meant (with a
little more thought), "may it be the year for all of us."
It
really does help to be able to breathe easily.
I’m on my second cold so far this winter and I’ve preached to friends
and family for years, “you don’t have to have those things. Just cancel every time you sneeze or cough or
feel either one coming on.” I was
wondering if the great internet was going to fail me when I began to try to
search why that was no longer working for me after a twenty-five year success
experience.
I
feel badly about having lost the original material. I remember it was from a woman in Mesa, Az.
and although I found it in a bookstore it wasn’t really in book form. So many years have passed and I may be way
off, but if memory serves it was several pages maybe even stapled
together. She talked openly about her
family. Things were not going well at
all. Either she or her husband had been
depressed for months. A lot of us can
relate to that and how crummy that is. I
believe when she wrote all that the refrigerator had gone out and was somewhat
like the straw that broke the camel’s back.
Anyway, she had some good stuff in there about the mind, or at least the
subconscious, even though I was “leery” at the time. That was my first real exposure to how we
could influence our lives by talking to ourselves, and what we should say if we
were going to.
I
didn’t put it into practice for some time and don’t know but what it was years
that passed before I tried to. In my
first clinical depression, after four months of non-stop suicidal thought and
life being nothing I could enjoy, I reached a point where something had to
change. I spent one entire day
cancelling suicidal thoughts. One would
come, get put down, and there another would be, like this: “my family would be so much better off
without me” followed by “cancel, cancel, cancel, cancel, cancel, cancel,
cancel, cancel, cancel, cancel”. I’m
pretty sure I had the impression I needed to say cancel ten times.
Doing
that all day seemed like more than I had planned. BTW, I didn’t know where that sheaf of papers
was, I just remembered what I remembered and knew I was going to make it work
if it would. I had reached my limit of
living life in grey and black and numbness and hating my existence. Lo and behold the next day it seemed I only
cancelled three or four times. I was on
my way out of that depression and it was a true and literal miracle.
And,
so, of course, keeping colds at bay was no big deal. I don’t take for granted, at all however, the
stairs at CH. I was working at a crisis
center in Utah and the kids and school, well; everything was bunked in a former
motel. Getting to the second level was
accomplished by hiking up and down planks of concrete with pebbles mixed in
laid across iron strips attached to iron railing. I found it not a pretty picture and laden
with file boxes and over-sized notebooks and etcetera, piled up the front of me
where I wanted to look down and watch my step seemed a trip, a hitch or worse,
a fall, waiting to happen. I have no
count of how many times I employed my friends, “cancel, cancel” to obliterate
that awful thought.
There
are things I keep in my personal arsenals that help me through my life. Sometimes I find myself taking them for
granted. Truth is, though, I know that
not all of us has and uses the same things I do. I did see on a TV episode of Monk some time
ago a wealthy (the mansion gave her away) matron who said something derogatory
about a family member and followed it by saying, “cancel, cancel”, and said to
myself, “I’m not alone, someone else knows about this”.
This has been so valuable to me, not just in the ways I’ve mentioned, that I really hope someone else can benefit, too. Later, AZ!
No comments:
Post a Comment